Ask the expert… different choices to start our family

Before our civil partnership, we agreed that we wanted kids but did not talk it through in detail. My boyfriend is now insisting that we use a surrogate whereas I want to adopt and take a child out of the care system as well as save the large amount of money we would have to pay a surrogate. How can I persuade him this is a more moral choice? P Barling

I would say it is an altruistic choice rather than a moral one. It is after all, a biological imperative to want to replicate one’s genes and maybe your boyfriend feels this urge stronger than you.

You could try a short care placement and foster a child first, to see how you both feel about having a child in your life full time. That way, your boyfriend will get some insight into caring for a child who is not biologically related and he may be able to see that he could give care and love to a child who is not his own.

Expert advice provided by Aunt Broody

The My Future Family Fertility Show offers a chance to spend a day surround by a full range of exhibitors who all focus on helping you to start your family, no matter what journey you decide on. It is friendly and welcoming and you can attend seminars or access free confidential 1-2-1 advice. You can ask experts face-to-face and establish who is the best fit for you – your fertility journey is unique and it is important that you find the best people that work for you.

For more details about when the My Future Family Fertility Show is next taking place, please check out our Fertility Show page.

The My Future Family Fertility show supports a wide range of alternative family options including:

• Surrogacy • Fertility options for older women • single women • Fostering & adoption • LGBT parenting • Co-parenting by choice

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